I was perusing the pictures of Pinterest a few nights ago and came across a phrase that just got my mind reeling. It was a phrase I’ve wanted to hear in my home for years… I just never realized it. Instead my mind had been focused on the phrases I didn’t want to hear. You know what I’m talking about, the ones you can’t seem to get away from: “No!” “Do I have to?” “Oh man!” “Ugh! I hate doing that!” “Again?” “I don’t want to!” “No thanks!” You get the idea. The phrase that I could tell would fix all of the negative phrases, the phrase I saw on Pinterest, was, “I’d love to!” It was simple, but beautiful and dare I say, revolutionary.
Don’t get me wrong, my kids are good helpers--they always have been. Eventually they do what I ask them to do, even if it takes a little (or a lot) of prodding on my part. They are still young (10, 8, 2, & 6 months), so they are still teachable. And this lesson just needed to be taught. I usually talk to my hubby about systems for changing behavior before I implement them to make sure we’re on the same page (believe me, we’ve had a lot over the years). But this idea was so straightforward and wonderful that I implemented it right there and then.
I pulled out a dollar store plastic Halloween jar with a lid that I’d been storing on the topmost shelf of my pantry for years, some black construction paper, tape, scissors and chalk. I wet the chalk to make the color show up better and wrote the phrase twice: “I’d Love To!” Then I taped the sign on either side of the jar (covering the cartoon ghosts on the side of the jar), leaving a space so the kids can see how full the jar is. I only had a few puff balls on hand, but decided that if the jar worked I’d buy more from the Dollar Store. After all of that work I got this:
Now, the Pinterest link didn’t work, so I had to think up my own system, but it didn’t take long. Basically after being asked to do something if my kids respond immediately with, “I’d love to!” they get a puff ball in the jar. When we fill the entire jar with puff balls I will make them their favorite treat (their choice this time--No Bake Cheesecake with Golden Oreo Cookie Crust). I figure it will take at least a week to fill the entire jar.
Now, my boy can find the loophole to every system I come up with, so we had to set some
Ground Rules
1. They have to smile when they say, “I’d love to!” No frowny faces or grouchy voices.
2. “I’d love to!” has to be the first thing out of their mouth--no complaints at all.
3. They only get the puff ball after completing the task they’ve agreed to do.
4. They can’t volunteer the “I’d love to.” They have to be asked to do something and respond with “I’d love to.” None of this, “I’d love to play with the Guinea Pigs” stuff.
5. The puff ball is earned if I only have to ask once.
Things I’ve learned
1. It’s a whole lot easier to get an “I’d love to” when I ask politely.
2. It’s a lot easier to ask politely if I know I’m going to get a happy and polite response like, “I’d love to!”
3. If my children ask me politely to help them, I can answer, “I’d love to!” and get a puff ball in the jar. Thus earning a piece of the treat for myself, while helping everyone get to the goal faster. If I ever learned anything from Mary Kay it was how to work win-win. So it helps motivate my kids to speak to me politely in the first place.
4. “I love that dinner” has been added as a way to earn puff balls. Seriously, not having to worry about, “That’s the worst dinner ever!” makes the jar even better! Not only that, my kids are the ones who implemented this change.
5. The kids are looking for ways for me to ask them to do things so they can say, “I’d love to!” How cool is that?
6. Just like any type of disciplinary system I need to be consistent and notice whenever the kids say, “I’d love to!” Really though, it’s hard not to notice since those words were not a part of my kid’s vocabulary. It’s surprising every time and, may I add, lovely.
7. It is helpful for me to point out when the kids could have used the “I’d love to!” jar and encourage them to use it next time.
We’re on Day 2 of this system, but up to this point my home is a better place all around! I love talking to my kids again and I no longer cringe every time I ask for help. It is teaching us all a better way of communicating with each other. I love it!
